The goal of my blog is to share ideas about healthy food, fitness, and adventure! But I also want to be vulnerable and honest. I'd like to try to remove the illusion that I'm always happy, always sticking to a perfect fitness routine, and always having the time of my life in some new exotic place. With that in mind, I'd like to share some of the struggles and victories I've had over the past two years here in Japan.
Let's start with one of my (along with many other women's) biggest struggles...social media and body image.
Gosh, social media can be the devil, like, for real. Social media has been the root of SO many of my struggles, from workout obsession, healthy eating obsession, perfect body obsession, perfect adventurous life obsession, and comparison comparison, comparison. In today's world you wake up, and boom, your phone is there in front of your face, and youre smacked with instagram and facebook. You immediatly begin comparing your life to those on the internet, whether you realize it or not. Whether thats picking apart your body and comparing it to all the athletes/models on insta, or comparing how many countries and mountains someone has climbed and how perfect their yoga pose is in front of that unbelievable sunset #spiritual #fitagram #girlswithabs. Social media can be an ultra perfect looking... unreality. Its so frustrating. And so easy to get caught up in...and on top of it, YOU can even try to make your life look how you want it to, and if you're lucky, you'll come out InstaFamous. Therefore, I want to be real honest and raw with you all about my life. I want to share the struggles and the pain that lead to me discovering what life looks like when you trust in God and shake off those awful chains of comparison and self doubt!
Lets begin with Body image.
Dear sisters, we need to live a full rounded healthy life style. Not one that is only full of sprints and apples, but one thats full of finding your self worth in Christ, loving your bodies during every phase of life, and not comparing yourself to others. This means not tearing your body apart, not letting the scale, bloated belly, and days when the abs don't shine, ruin your thirst for life.
Many of you know my "fitstagram" Manders1289 (its now more my "lifestyle" gram), which I had to move away from for a while for many reasons. The pressure to look perfect is REAL and you begin obsessing and worrying about what others are thinking. "I gotta keep my abs to look good on insta. Its inspirational to others..."
I wish I could stand in front of you, look you in the eye, and say I never obsessed about my abs, never obsessed about what I ate, never worried about what people thought of me, and just shook the chains off and lived 120% freely for Christ. Unfortunately, that would be a lie. I struggle, and I struggled hard. It wasn't until I moved to Japan that the struggles that I was trying to deny were brought to the surface. My number one struggle being, body image. I realized I was not just "leading a healthy lifestyle", but instead worshiping exercise and clean eating... truly obsessing about it. I would begin my day by scrolling through endlesss fitness accounts and compare my body to others, feel competitive, honestly without even realizing it. Then, I would let missing a single workout, eating a cookie, and watery undefined abs ruin my day. I would feel upset and anxious about it. I would many a time feel pretty guilty about eating a slice of cake, indulging in ice cream, or sharing laughs over a glass or two of wine. Without wanting to admit it, I found my self worth in how I looked, how hard I exercised, and how perfect I ate, rather than in Christ alone. People liked me and the attention felt really good. I preached freedom and enjoying life...but, I wasn't free. I wanted more than anything to shake the chains off. But in the end I would kid myself and tell myself I was okay. I was healthy, I was thin, people seem to like me, life is okay, this obsession isn't bad. However, it was time to be HONEST with myself and stop believing what the world was telling me was good.
DOING THINGS FOR THE RIGHT REASONS
Have you ever sat quietly and listened to God? I try, I try really hard. Sometimes its super hard for me 1. because I have ADHD and my brain moves a million miles per hour and 2. because God brings up things I don't always want to hear. Recently, I read a quote from the book Uninvited, by Lysa TerKeurst. She states, "Honesty isn't trying to hurt me. Its trying to heal me." How true is this?! And how often don't we try to ignore the truth and just suffice with what we got because its comfortable, easy, seems right, or seems like the world gives us a stamp of approval. Yay Gold Star! We all love gold stars. But, when we're quiet, and being honest with ourselves...are we really doing what Christ created us to do? Are we actually living fully and freely?! Or, are we just giving in to what the world demands or expects of us. Anyways, after a while of putting up a fight with God, I finally was honest with myself and what God wanted of me, and moved away from the world of "Fitstagram". However, healthy eating and working out are ingrained in my soul. I love it!! But! I needed to make sure I was doing it for the right reasons. First, God created your body to be a temple. One that YOU LOVE, take care of, nuture, and use to its fullest! I felt like the only reason I was posting was to please my viewers and "hold my self accountable" so I wouldn't lose my abs. Ugh, it pains me to type that!! But its true! Instead of feeling overall great and satisfied, I felt the stress building everyday. How many blessings are we missing in this life that God is freely giving to us because we are feeding into the lies the devil is dishing out. Its hard. We all have our weak spots. But we MUST be honest, recognize them, and seek healing.
My real intent for my instagram was to "uplift" and "be a light" in this crazy world, but instead, unfortunately it was still holding me back from true healing. Doing the right thing, many times isn't easy. Listening to God (especially if your stubborn like me, thanks Dad ;) is hard. I didn't want to give up my "fitstagram" and everything I had poured into it...but the freedom, joy, and satisfaction listening to God produces is un-earthly.
Its been two years since I haven't posted about fitness regularly on my instagram. I have come so so far since then, however, I'm still SO imperfect. I'm human. I have my good days and my bad days. Somedays, I accidently over eat and I beat myself up about it because I feel bloated. Other days I feel mad for missing a few days in the gym. I think to myself, how can I call myself a true athlete when Im not giving 120%...I feel like a failure. But now, I try to capture those negative lies, those are awful harmful lies fed to you by demons (seriously!), and battle them with prayer. God is so awesome, and he will love you and hold you and nourish your soul when you cry out to Him. I am not a complete failure, and dear sister, who ever is reading this, you aren't either. You're loved, you're beautiful, and your body is amazing.
I had a break through on the way to the gym the other day. Quite a victorious moment, actually. I had spent this past weekend snowboarding, eating more chocolate, and noodles than usual to help power me through my day! Hahahah not my average diet for sure. I felt BLOOOOOATED. Dude, I bloat so easily, its crazy. Anyways, I was on my way to the gym, thinking about how I could intensify my workout because of the extra food I had eaten. I felt nervous, My legs tend to be the first place my body stores fat and I didn't want any of that awful F word so my goal was to BURN CALORIES, rather than become stronger. I started feeling lethargic and overwhelmed and thought,"maybe I should just skip the gym and go home...its not even worth it."
But then, I caught myself. I knew this wasn't the right attitude at all. I was finding self worth in my body rather than in Christ. I looked down at my little leggies and thanked God for them. And the awesome weekend I got to have snowboarding because of them. I then looked at my stringy arms and thanked God that I could do 10 pullups and 30 push ups with them, when just a couple years ago, I could barely manage one of each! I started looking at my body and thanking God for the gifts he has given to me, rather than tear them apart. I felt SO energized, and I went to the gym, and killed a workout, not worrying about the calories being burned or the way I looked. I just enjoyed, and did me, actually I "did" who God wanted me to be.
So now, I encourage you to seriously sit down and have some honest time with God. Be HONEST. Be raw and unfiltered. See what He he brings to the surface. Where are you finding your self worth? Giving even just a little bit of time can make all the difference in your day. If you struggle with body image and feel the pressures of society, maybe even flip through your instagram feed and ask yourself how each person you follow makes you feel? After you view a post do you feel anxious, insufficient, discouraged, OR do you feel inspired, happy, joyful, encouraged? If someone on insta makes you feel discouraged, please, unfollow them IMMEDIATELY. Life is too short to have your brain be poisoned.
Here is what it boils down to. Every day the time you spend feeding into the world's lies, you're WASTING the beautiful life God has created uniquely for you. Think about how much time you spend scrolling through Instagram/Facebook mindlessly comparing your life, your body to someone else's and walk away feeling defeated. How many minutes or hours do you spend in front of the mirror picking yourself apart because your upset about the way your body looks and regretting that yummy icecream sundae, or even that perfectly measured tablespoon of almond butter you just ate? Dear friends, this is WASTED time. We were created for so so much more. Get outside! Travel! Live, breathe, move! Practice everyday, capturing negative thoughts as the deciever whispers them into your ear. Instead of giving into the negativity, turn to Christ, and battle them with positive thoughts. You must practice this though, it wont come easily or naturally.
Don't feed into the world of social media. A lot of it is fabricated and a lot of people only post what they want you to see. I mean, I do the same sometimes too!! Point is my life isn't perfect, and neither is yours. But we can learn through Christ, honesty, and being vulnerable, how to capture comparison and negativity and throw them away and be excited about our unique bodies and lives! Once you start practicing this, I think you'll will be amazed at how your life turns around! You will feel more joy, more confidence, more encouragement, more laughter and more energy :)
Go out and let yourself shine! The world needs so much more of who you are truly created to be!
